One reason why Santa may not make it to your house tonight . . .

. . . he's been busted.

My name is Raymond, and I'm a paralegal in Child Support Enforcement.

My beat is dead-beat dads . . . Father Christmas tops the list, this time of year. He's got a rap sheet a mile long. Did I say "rap" sheet"?? (That's "Yo, Yo, Yo," not "Ho, Ho, Ho" as originally thought.)

A number of our clients fingered the fat man as "my baby's daddy." He's gotta learn that toys once a year does not count as child support.

Mike and Rick apprehended the perp on the roof, just as he was about to slide down the chimney. They wrestled him to the roof; his accomplices flew away (eight tiny reindeer, pulling a minature sleigh). They confiscated a list headed "Naughty Girls" from him; too bad he wasn't packing the list of "Naughty Boys" (I wanted a peek at that one, myself).

Mrs. Clause is trying to raise his bail . . . I guess this isn't the first time.

Just kidding, folks . . . the "Santa in Chains" is the office decoration down the hall as part of the office-wide Holiday Decorations contest. Last year, I hung my Men of Biblical Proportions "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego" quilt on the wall and renamed it, "May Christmas Revelers Burn in Hell!!" I was going for the "Scrooge" award (I didn't win it).

. . . and I heard him exclaim, ere he rode out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!"